


Whamageddon!

by mugglerock



Series: Destiel Advent Calendar 2019 [23]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Borderline crack, Comedy, F/M, Have You Reached Whamhalla?, M/M, Whamageddon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:13:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21889492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugglerock/pseuds/mugglerock
Summary: Humans are strange and Castiel is confused.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy & Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Series: Destiel Advent Calendar 2019 [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558915
Comments: 10
Kudos: 50





	Whamageddon!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so maybe I write angst about 77.3 percent of the time. The rest is fluff or ridiculousness like this.
> 
> Welcome to Whamageddon.

**Day 23 - Whamageddon!**

_ Humans are such strange creatures.  _ It all started on the 20th of December, Castiel had been at a gas station, perusing the shelves of the dirty and poorly stocked convenience store while he fueled his truck. 

[ _ Last Christmas _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8gmARGvPlI) _ , I gave you my heart _

_ But the very next day, you gave it away, _

_ This year, to save me from tears, _

_ I’ll give it to someone special… _

Castiel hadn’t really been paying attention to the song playing on the small radio near the cash register, that was until a patron, a young woman with short, dark hair, let out an exaggerated, “No! Goddamnit! Four days! There were only four days left!” 

Another young woman, clearly a traveling companion, instead of displaying concern, barked out a laugh. She clapped her friend on the shoulder and simply said, “Welcome to Whamhalla.”

Castiel furrowed his brow, completed his purchase of beef jerky and a packet of menthol cigarettes for Dean, because they were to purchase each other “gag gifts” this season, and made his way back to his truck, shaking his head in bemusement.

_ ….but the very next day…. _

Castiel had offered to purchase the required ingredients for a feast on the 25th. There was a local grocery store a few miles from the bunker, and he made his way to the locale with list in hand. He should have asked Sam or Eileen to write it, instead of Dean. Not only was his handwriting illegible, but there was commentary that confused Castiel even more.

“Sweet potatoes! And if you forget the marshmallows, so help me, you’re sleeping on the couch.”

It didn’t make sense. Castiel didn’t sleep, not even after what Dean liked to call their “marathon fucking”. He didn’t require it. Nor did the bunker have a couch. Humans really were strange. Especially  _ his  _ human.

_ Last Christmas, I gave you my heart _

_ But the very next day, you gave it away, _

_ This year, to save me from tears, _

_ I’ll give it to  _ [ _ someone special _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8gmARGvPlI) _ … _

“Fuck!” A man, easily in his late thirties, cried out next to the various loaves of bread. 

Castiel furrowed his brow as the man kicked his shopping cart and grumbled something about almost making it, and that strange word again,  _ Whamhalla. _ As the man disappeared around the corner of the aisle, Castiel wondered if he should speak to Sam and Dean about a possible case? Something was causing ordinary people to bemoan an unintelligible fate.

And then he recalled that Dean said no cases for the week, so Castiel grabbed the large sourdough round and continued his shopping.

_ ….but the very next day…. _

Because Castiel was quote, “the best boyfriend ever,” he had agreed to go out for a late night snack for Dean. He was exhausted and hungry after their most recent marathon, and Castiel was hard pushed to say no to Dean. There was a taco stand a few miles from the bunker that was open late at night, so he made his way to purchase several tacos and the order of nachos Dean wanted.

As he was waiting for the food, sitting on one of the cracked stools near the salsa bar, a familiar chord filled the mostly empty eatery.

_ (Merry Christmas!) I wrapped it up and sent it _

_ With a note saying,  _ [ _ "I love you," _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8gmARGvPlI) _ I meant it _

_ Now, I know what a fool I've been _

_ But if you kissed me now _

_ I know you'd fool me again _

One of the young ladies working behind the counter slammed her fist against the particle board and started cursing in Spanish. The only word that was in English was, “Whamhalla.”

Castiel knew he wasn’t supposed to be working any cases, but maybe a little research couldn’t hurt.

_ ….but the very next day…. _

It was the 23rd of December, and his research through all of the books and magazines in the bunker had led him nowhere. There was nothing about a “Whamhalla”. When he entered the kitchen to procure some coffee, the three humans were sitting around the table, mocking (Dean) and consoling (Eileen) Sam.

“I almost made it,” Sam grumbled as Eileen flashed him a placating smile.

Dean barked out a laugh. “That’s what you get for listening to online radio instead of tapes.”

Sam gave his brother a patented bitch face. “Don’t get cocky, or I’ll send your ass to Whamhalla with me…”

_ There was that word again! _

“Hey, it ain’t my fault I always win,” Dean replied, tone cocky.

Eileen nodded. “Me too.”

They shared a high five and the three humans proceeded to talk as Castiel pulled up his cell phone and decided to try his hand at internet research, even though he still didn’t really trust the internet. Castiel wracked his brain for any commonalities, and seeing as Whamhalla hadn’t gotten him anywhere earlier, he chose to search for whatever song that kept playing during each of the incidents he had witnessed.

There was a closed captioned music video on YouTube, so he approached the humans. “Is there a reason this is causing so many people grief?” Castiel asked as he held his phone out to them after he pressed play. 

[ _ Last Christmas _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8gmARGvPlI) _ , I gave you my heart _

_ But the very next day, you gave it away, _

_ This year, to save me from tears, _

_ I’ll give it to someone special… _

In that moment, both Dean and Eileen let out an exaggerated, “No-o-o-o-o-o!”

Sam burst into laughter and cried, “Welcome to Whamhalla!”

As they all proceeded to bemoan their fate, in between laughter, Castiel’s question remained unanswered. He was as confused as ever, and apparently, that wasn’t about to change. Castiel shook his head.  _ Humans really are strange. _

_ A face on a lover with a fire in his heart _

_ A man under cover but you tore him apart _

_ Maybe next year I'll give it to someone _

[ _ I'll give it to someone special _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8gmARGvPlI)

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who clicked the links, Welcome to Whamhalla. I’ve been here since December 2nd. For those of you who are as confused as Cas, let me provide you an image that may help:
> 
> Also, yeh. I know. I’m a dick. Happy Holidays.


End file.
